soundinorbit: i think parry is on crack soundinorbit: okay not actually crack i didn't want to scare you THAT much but seriously he is behaving like he's using
disappearer: As hesitant as I am to ask – using what?
soundinorbit: dude i have no idea but he was talking about dreams so maybe z
disappearer: z, zzzzz, or Ambien?
soundinorbit: z and ambien are the same thing soundinorbit: sorry if my typing is messy holding phone with other hand
disappearer: Whatever, woman.
soundinorbit: GOD GET WITH THE STREET NAMES soundinorbit: YOU SHAME YOUR REHAB-SPONSORING FAMILY
disappearer: Well, yes, we all knew that! I might have just been seeking verification, you know. :(
soundinorbit: he says he's not on anything, but uh soundinorbit: he's still super fucked up maybe i should go over there?
disappearer: Do you want me to tell you to go, tell you not to go, or just be a sounding board while you decide on your own?
soundinorbit: uh soundinorbit: i want you to tell me what you actually think because your parents, like, gave you lessons in this shit soundinorbit: "how to help someone who sounds like they are tweaking" disappearer: Do you want to help him?
soundinorbit: yeah i feel like it's kind of my job, i'm the one talking to him and he sounds wrecked it feels messed up to NOT try
disappearer: Be that as it may, it doesn't actually answer the question directly, you know. disappearer: I asked if you wanted to help him, not if you thought you should, or if you'd feel guilty if you didn't.
soundinorbit: i guess i do yes
disappearer: Because what I can tell you, from my lessons, is this: you can't offer help to someone who's tripping, or upset, or otherwise on-edge, if you don't genuinely want to help. Guilt isn't enough. Whoever it is, they can taste it. disappearer: Whatever help you offer, he's going to need to want it to accept it – but if he wanted it, and you were offering out of a sense of obligation, that would be a far worse blow to him than never offering in the first place.
soundinorbit: he may be kind of creepy, but he's also done a lot for me, so yeah soundinorbit: is it weird i don't just know all that? considering I'M a user? (although i don't pretend i'm not)
disappearer: Other than me, how many other people have offered you help of various sorts?
soundinorbit: college roommate, mostly, when she was on meth
disappearer: Your meth-using roommate offered you help.
soundinorbit: yes, actually, because i scared her even more — but i misread what you said as how many people i'd offered help anyway! the answer is yes to both though weirdly enough soundinorbit: and, well soundinorbit: mym did
disappearer: And both of them truly cared about you, and you could tell that, couldn't you.
disappearer: If your mother had shown up, while you were using in college, and said she was there to help you, what would you have thought?
soundinorbit: that she was worried about how my addiction affected her image
disappearer: And how would you have reacted?
soundinorbit: likely by ignoring her; she wasn't paying a cent, she couldn't come into my room soundinorbit: my student visa outranks her! >_>
disappearer: So it's important to know if you want to help him, and if you genuinely care about him, or if you're just feeling like you're obligated to.
soundinorbit: he sounds really fucked up and desperate. so i do. actually want to help him
disappearer: And when he doesn't sound fucked up and desperate, do you care?
soundinorbit: yes but like. he's not my FRIEND, but i CARE soundinorbit: do you get that? i don't care like i care about you, but i care about his continued existence and safety even if we're not bffs
disappearer: Are you ready for him to potentially get all soppy on you, though, to a potentially-me-level?
soundinorbit: well. yes.
disappearer: Then what the fuck are you waiting for? A permission slip?
soundinorbit: … well kinda. yes. for you to encourage me, which i think is what that was supposed to be soundinorbit: too bad you totally suck at being encouraging soundinorbit: HOW IS SWEARING AT SOMEONE ENCOURAGING LOKI TELL ME THAT
disappearer: Well, it's me.
soundinorbit: okay. well soundinorbit: i'm going to … go soundinorbit: i lost my map to his mansion so i might get lost, if you don't hear from me in a few days call both parry and the cops and let them know i'm lost on his property soundinorbit: because yes, i mean my map for the INSIDE OF THE HOUSE
disappearer: You really ought to work on getting it scanned into your phone, you know. Try telling him to meet you by the front door, perhaps?
soundinorbit: or, like, saving the front door as a gps point on my phone soundinorbit: but — yeah good idea
disappearer: Good luck, you. <3
soundinorbit: not the one who needs it! soundinorbit: xo